Why We Have Chosen to Raise Our Kids Technology-Free…
Today I am popping in for a very impromptu post to share details on questions that have been popping up quite often lately on my IG stories… tell me more about your technology-free rules and what do they like to do for fun? Yes, you heard me correct… we have a technology-free home… for our girls. We aren’t completely archaic and do allow our girls to watch television but we have chosen to raise them without mobile phones or iPads and of course with ZERO social media. I will say first that as ironic as it sounds, my decision was in fact partly sparked by my own experience as a blogger with a career in social media. I guess it is quite the opposite of “ignorance is bliss”. Let’s just say that I have seen and heard and experienced enough to know that I don’t want my girls near what I have seen and heard and experienced. Ponder this… the two biggest tech figures in recent history BOTH chose to raise their children technology free. In addition, a former Facebook creator “expressed extreme guilt” over creating social media and will not allow his own children to use it. Even Mark Zuckerberg has said that he won’t allow his daughter to join social media until she is at least a teenager. Just thought that was quite interesting.
Let me explain… Over a year ago now, I started pondering this thought. This idea that I wanted to raise my children without technology at their fingertips for as long as humanely possible. Yes, of course they use computers and iPads and all of that jazz at school but otherwise I started envisioning this life for them without that option at home. I thought about writing some crazy long disclaimer before I really got going on this post but… I don’t really feel that necessary anymore. Anyone who knows me personally or through social media knows that I am real and honest and nice. I pass absolutely ZERO judgement on anyone who chooses otherwise. So that is that and now I will continue… Here is a really great article called “THE BEST GIFT YOU CAN GIVE YOUR CHILDREN IS A TECHNOLOGY-FREE CHILDHOOD” where she basically gives the best disclaimer that I wish I had written myself. 😉
Okay back to the one year ago… A little over one year ago now my girls and I set out on our first “Summer away”. We spent the Summer in Oregon and super crazy long story short, I saw my girls the happiest they have ever been without technology. They fought less, they were less “bratty” and I saw them truly soak in the world. They just didn’t have the time or honestly even the desire to play with their devices quite as much during those five weeks and it was AMAZING. Yes, it was a “vacation” and that makes things way easier BUT we started to continue this idea at home on and off for several months after we returned and continued to see such a change in them both. We started encouraging them to get outside more… to create and build and play more… and we even started letting them get bored. Something I swear is kind of non-existent for many kids these days including our own! And here is where I will say once again that I pass ZERO judgement on anyone who chooses otherwise for their children but as we tested this I started noticing more and more how consumed so many other children were in their own devices. It’s almost like once my eyes were opened to it, the more I saw it and the more I realized this is for sure what I wanted for my own girls.
Fast forward to the Fall of last year and I started following @collinkartchner on Instagram and his amazing efforts to spark a conversation about the effects of social media on young children. I will just say that his page is definitely worth a peek! He shares everything from statistics on the effects of screen-time on children to real life testimonials from young teens who have felt depressed and even suicidal from social media. From there, I started thinking back to literally the ONLY parenting advice my stepmom has given me over the years while raising my two much younger sisters (now 17 and 14). She encouraged me to wait as long as possible to give my girls phones. With examples from group texting “accidentally” turned gossipy and “mean”… to less focus on life and school… to girls starting to worry about things they shouldn’t even think about for a long, long time. And then let’s throw in some of the things I have gotten DM’d on Instagram over the last three years including three separate pictures of men’s genitalia (yes, it’s impossible to not see because the image is hidden until you “accept” the message which I do because everyone that follows messages me is “hidden” at first) and yes, I just felt incredibly led as a mother to make the difficult (in today’s world) decision.
January 1st, 2018 my one and only New Year’s resolution was just that… to raise my girls technology-free. Although it may seem a bit extreme, we quit cold turkey and have not looked back! We now allow them ZERO screen-time and we truly feel it has been the best decision for our children. They went from playing our phones in the car every single time we left the house to now “enjoying the view” (as Winnie says) and making up fun little word and number games on long drives. They talk to us more about school and life and friends now and they just seem so much more in tune with REAL LIFE. I would say it took maybe about a month for them to realize we were serious and to stop asking to play our phones or for Addie to stop wanting her iPad. From there, I can honestly say they have not asked even once in months AND MONTHS now! I asked Addie the other day if she missed it and she said not a bit. My family has even commented about how nice it’s been for them to come over or go out to dinner and not immediately ask to play a phone. As far as time with friends, that’s something that have inched into month by month. At first, we did allow Addie to play for very short periods of time when she was hanging out with friends but then started really encouraging them more and more to “go and play”. Now eight months in, Addison seems very “settled in” and confident enough now in our new ways and in our reasons to let everyone know herself what our rules are at home. If the time comes that they may need communication of their own, Mark and I have both agreed to allow them “dumb phones”. These are actually becoming more and more popular and they are simply “old school” flip phones that would allow them basic communication without the million other things they can have access to on a smartphone.
I know that this will be a long road ahead but it’s a road that I am willing to take. I even look back on my own life and feel like I was so much more “productive” and “present” in life before smart phones took over the world. I actually did not even create my own Facebook account until I was 27 years old. I had started a new job as a trunk keeper for a kid’s clothing company and thought it would be a great way to advertise my new business venture. Little did I know that it would all eventually lead me to where I am today but I certainly don’t regret waiting so long to hop on the social train.
In creating this new rule for our children, we have also taken steps too as parents to put away our phones more. I take extended breaks of a week or more at least once every few months as well as dedicated phone-free time each and every day. Social media is now an integral part of my design/blogging career as well as in advertising our company so for us, ditching it completely of course is not an option. For me, it’s more a matter of wanting my girls to create their own vision of themselves and of the world before a screen tries to do that for them.
And it’s funny, the more I have shared this about our parenting on my IG Stories, the more positive encouragement I have received and the more information I have gotten that has truly sealed the deal for me as a mom. It has taken me a good 6-8 months to start sharing this on social because as a blogger I know that judgement is harsh and it was really just a private and personal decision for us as parents. Yet since that first day I mentioned it, the messages have piled in literally by THE THOUSANDS! I cannot even tell you how many teachers alone have messaged me about how different some children are these days. About how social skills are way down, attention spans are declining rapidly and cognitive development is so much more delayed these days. I even read an article in writing this post that screen time has directly been related to poorer connectivity in areas of the brain that govern language and cognitive control. Just some food for thought. You can simply type in “screentime effects on children” in Google and get a wealth of information!
Now onto the follow-up question I have been asked most. What do my kids do for fun? Pretty much just everything we did when we were young! From independent play time at home to game nights quite often as a family to play dates and outside time. Here are some of the toys/activities my girls are LOVING and simple tips for transitioning to a technology free home…
BUILDING/CREATING TOYS…
ART/CRAFT SETS…
MUSIC/DANCE FUN…
WINTER’S PERSONAL FAVES…
ADDISON’S TOP FAVORITE BOOKS…
*She wrote this list out for me and asked if she could include the Bible. Ummm… YES! Love her sweet heart!
Tips for Entertaining Kids Technology-Free…
- Promote Self-Play… It may take some inching into but our girls are very good at entertaining themselves. Of course, the have each other which helps but extended self play breaks are HUGE in our house! On long Summer days, we will all sit down and play several hands of Uno or Old Maid and then I will ask them to go play for a bit.
- Let Them Make A Mess… Give them a place and the encouragement to create and build and be kids. Our girls are really good at taking out EVERYTHING and making one giant mess. I love it though. They come up with the cutest games and ideas and then once they’re finished for the day, I make THEM clean it all up!
- Have Organized Activity Spots… If possible, create places in your home for different acitivites. For example, we have a Play-Doh drawer in our kitchen where they can reach it all along with mats to play on so they can sit at the breakfast room table and make a mess! Also, they each have a desk space where they have crayons and paper and pencils and art kits. We also literally have a small toy basket in every room so they like to bop around the house once they are bored in a room. Then it’s easy for them to throw it all back in and move along to the next room!
- Buy Toys that Promote Creativity… One thing I LOVE is buying things that have a million different uses. Whether its legos or art kits or blocks, I always find that my kids can entertain themselves so much longer with toys that promote creativity. Although YES this is technology, my girls LOVE playing dance games on our gaming system (all linked below too). We only have one at our cabin and we only own dance games so they don’t play it much but it’s such great exercise and they giggle forever dancing along to that thing. It’s GREAT when friends come over too!
- Tell Them to Go Outside!… Okay I know that sounds mean BUT it’s how we grew up right?!? From sidewalk chalk to scooters to sprinklers to tea parties, my girls have found a TON that they love to do outside. One of their new faves (inside our out) is playing tea party. I give them a little teapot of water and some crackers or muffins and they love it!
- Music… My girls LOVE music! We have a karaoke machine with a microphone and fun party lights that they turn on ALL the time in their playroom! They will just randomly turn it on and jump around for a little but It’s GREAT for playdates and sleepovers too!
XOXO, Brittany Hayes
Sue Ghan says
Bravo bravo bravo! I always say we didn’t have this technology before and we were all just fine! My husband and I notice when we go out to eat all the time, the families on their phones, or a parent on their phone and the kids are just sitting there. It’s so sad to me! And I say that without judging others too. It’s just how I feel. I’m 49 and have three grandchildren, 6, 5, and 4. And I wish they were techno free. Sometimes you can’t even talk to them. I am going to have their mothers read your post and the article you linked. Hope it helps everyone.
Janet says
Yay for you and your darling kiddos!! I thought I’d pass on a wonderful book called Boundaries, which has a chapter dedicated to setting boundaries with technology. It’s fabulous!! My college age son decided to switch to a flip phone after experiencing severe depression and he is so much happier!! Good luck to you!
By the way, I adore your blog and your decorating style!! Most of all, I love your values and how you’re striving to become a better person!!
Jamie says
I feel the same way, and we are raising our children without phones, tablets, video
games, etc. We do have TV, but they watch it minimally. We are so fortunate to live in the country, and have a farm with a thousand things to do that keep them busy. I really feel for people whose children don’t have the freedom to be safely outdoors. My husband has always grumbled that technology will be the demise of our civilization, and I laugh at him; but I think there is some truth there. Hopefully more people will jump on the low tech bandwagon!
Katy says
This is so great! Thank you for sharing! I sometimes think about having a zero-tech rule, but then I go to the grocery store and remember how easy it is to have a phone for my littles to play with…..that’s really the only thing that is holding me back, ha! Your post really inspired and encouraged me though! I do have a question–did you have any extended family members that hard a hard time enforcing this new way of living? My kids actually spend the most time on phones and iPads (BY FAR) when they are with grandparents (both sets)….I’ve told them the effects this has on kid’s brains but they don’t seem to care too much and give the kids the phones whenever they ask. I’m not sure how to approach that!
LOVE your idea for “dumb phones”–we plan to do that too. I didn’t get a smart phone until I was 24 and sometimes still think it would be better for my mental health and focus if I switched back. I can’t imagine the effect it would have had it I had a smart phone in middle or high school or even college.
Whitney says
So I’m curious since you let them watch television – how much do they watch?
Libbi says
This is something I’ve thought about alot – especially now that I’m expecting my first in February! My parents were pretty strict with TV and game stuff, and honestly, as much as it sucked as a kid, I’m thankful for it now. My sister and I played together a lot and had so many imaginative games, plus once summer came around, we were never inside! I know this will be a constant struggle, but I really hate when I see parents use their phone or iPad as a pacifier for their kid. They need to learn boredom and how to entertain themselves.
Thank you so much for sharing this, would love some updates later on!
Kari says
I love this! And it is something I’ve thought about seriously instituting for our girls (12-7) for the past month. What are your thoughts on communication with friends for your older daughter? Our oldest daughter is currently allowed to text a small group of friends on her iPod, and I can’t decide if that is a good thing to continue. I’d love to hear your thoughts as a mom of a similarly aged daughter.
Liz says
Brittany, I LOVE this! I’m desperate for my boys to have a ‘normal’ childhood. We have a 6.5 year old and a 16 month old and I can see the mistakes I made with my 1st born and screen time. It started out as educational songs and games, but it’s turned into something I really do not like. He thinks the lives that these YouTube kids live is normal and I’ve noticed a change in his personality. I cut his screen time drastically, but my husband and his grandparents aren’t supporting my decision and it’s so frustrating.
Miranda Mann says
I am so on board with this! Thank you for sharing. My girls are 3 and 1, and I’m going to start this immediately!
Marie says
Do you have any ideas for how to deal with your kids friends when they come over with phones? My kids are 7 and 9, and we are raising them without technology and minimal tv. My son’s friends are slowly but surely all getting phones and they bring them over for play dates. This took me by surprise the first time because I still can’t believe 9 year olds have their own phones with access to everything! This particular playdate I had to constantly ask the kid to put it away and simply explained that kids don’t use phones in our house. I was thinking of making a rule for play dates that friends need to leave their phones in the kitchen while at my house? I worry a bit about how this may affect my kids socially, maybe their friends won’t want to come over to our house pretty soon if they know they can’t use their technology. But I also don’t want to spend my time monitoring what the kids are doing on the phone while they should be playing. Thoughts? Or other suggestions?