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January 27, 2016

Extending Grace

grace definition
I saw a video bopping around Facebook last week. It was about a man perusing around town getting frustrated at just about everyone and everything. From the boy skating by as he was trying to pull out of the driveway to the slow service at a local coffee bar. And then a stranger hands him a pair of glasses. Those glasses told a story. Everyone’s individual story. But not just their story. Their difficulties. Their hard times. Their weaknesses. And it reminded me of a time in my own life. A really really hard time. And a really long lasting hard time.
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I remember being at Addie’s school at about 10% of my true self. Probably quiet, probably half mentally present and probably looking a bit off. But with a smile and a wave and an attempt at pretending like life was perfect. But it wasn’t. And I remember thinking in those moments that no one had a clue. Not a clue to the craziness going on in my marriage and in my life. They possibly judged me for looking a mess. They probably judged me for remembering about half of their names and half of their faces. They probably judged me for forgetting supplies and parties and meetings. And they probably judged me for not seeming quite right. But heck I’d probably do the same. I know I do the same. Without even realizing I do. Yet I try. Every single day I try my hardest to remember to extend grace.
Yet in those moments. Those months. That year, the reality was that I wasn’t trying to look a mess. I wasn’t trying to forget. I wasn’t trying to be a bad mom. I was just trying to make it through. Trying to hope and think and pray that it would just go away. I literally just tried to survive. Just make it from sun up to sun down. That was my only goal every single day. I remember those days like they were yesterday. And that’s when I began to truly realize there’s so much more to each and every one of us than what is seen and what is said. So much room for grace.
I’ve often thought that that understanding or those glasses alone would make this world a better place. Because we often judge others based solely on what we can see. As if one’s face and words alone tell their story. Their entire truth. We even go as far as to compare our truth to another’s “perfection” based solely on what we can see. We let insecurities and even depression take hold of us because we become envious and hateful based solely on what we can see. Yet if we sought to see through what was visible. Tried to understand that we all try and put on a face. Some better than others but we all try. I have to say that that year I mastered that face. Maybe it’s a blessing or maybe it’s a curse. But I did. And although things are better. Right now. I think.  I always TRY to realize that there’s so much more behind “that face”. Struggles and hurt, difficulties and trials, imperfections and insecurities. Just think how it could be. We would all be more patient. Be more kind. Be more understanding. And less judgemental. We’d all continuously seek to extend grace.
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XOXO,  Brittany Hayes

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Comments

  1. Carly Brown says

    January 27, 2016 at 11:45 am

    Beautiful message and very well said Brittany! I think that as we get to really know people beyond “that face” we are reminded that we aren’t the only ones with challenges and it pushes us to a greater understanding of grace and God’s love for each of us individually. I honestly, truly, deep down in my soul look forward to your posts everyday. Whether it’s design related or life related, you never disappoint 🙂 Thanks for being a very unique and untainted force :). I don’t know your personally but I love you stranger ;).

    Reply
  2. Karen Macisaac says

    January 27, 2016 at 1:19 pm

    Beautiful post! I am officially crying and I am at work! Seriously you are so right, I too need to remind myself of having grace with those we meet daily. It feels good to know that we are all thinking the same thing and we are not alone as we may think we are. I love your blog so much. It and you inspire me so much. You are so genuine and it really comes through on your blog! xoxo

    Reply
  3. Sherri says

    January 27, 2016 at 9:12 pm

    This is the first time I’ve ever checked out your blog. I have your IG feed and enjoy it. I saw you as having the perfect life: a good-looking husband, beautiful daughters, a lovely home, another home on the way, clothes out the wazoo. It touches my heart that you are real and have had the same struggles most of us have experienced. God gives us so much grace and He calls us to extend it to others. God bless you for this post. You are a God’s girl, and I will be following you on your journey.

    Reply
  4. Annie says

    January 28, 2016 at 8:37 am

    Gosh what a great read! My community group talked about grace last night and the importance of not only extending grace, but the gift of receiving it. I really struggle with this as I constantly want to look like I have it all together. But how can we show the great work God is doing in our lives if we aren’t transparent about our sin and struggles? Sanctification is a messy blessing that needs to be shared in community. Thanks for sharing your heart with us Brittany!

    Reply
  5. Angela Hayes says

    January 28, 2016 at 10:42 am

    You are amazing Brittany!!! I love reading your story:)

    Reply
  6. Cereida DeMent says

    January 28, 2016 at 11:43 am

    I’ve seen that same video. What youve just blogged has really hit me deep. I remember being a teacher 5 years ago and always trying my best to be aware of the battles my students might be dealing with & tried to give grace. As I started a family and decided to stay home to be a full time mom I started to lose that grace. Although I feel completely blessed that I get to stay home with my little ones, there was still something missing. there was a lot going on in my family, lots of firsts, 3 kids, new state etc & it was just simply HARD. I often felt judged & in turn I started judging myself with other people’s highlights. As crazy as this may sound a turning point for me was when I went on a field trip with my daughter in PreK. As I sat in the parking lot in my SUV, in my tennis shoes, yoga pants, makeup less and my ergo baby strapped on to me to carry my other baby, I turned to see the most gorgeous mom stepping out of her cute little car to go on the same field trip. Like a commercial a long leg in skinny jeans and a leopard print stiletto hit the pavement and out emerged a mom with long blonde hair and perfect makeup with the rising sun shining on her perfectly like a goddess. I swear it felt like the perfect moment for the song “pour some sugar on me” lol! I turned and pulled my visor mirror down hoping something miraculous would of taken place as I glanced at myself, nope same makeup less face and messy bun! From that day on I decided to take care of myself more and eating more nutritious food, excersing when I could, doing devotionals and loving more. Sometimes as moms & wives we end up putting ourselves on the back burner and take care of everyone else first and sometimes at the end of the day there just isn’t enough to get us excited on working on ourselves. Yes there are sometimes when that grace gets lost in the chaotic days of motherhood but I always try to pull down that visor every now and then and look at myself in that little mirror and remember.

    Reply
  7. Terry George says

    January 28, 2016 at 1:23 pm

    Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.
    Be Kind. Always… I love the Words

    Thanks

    Reply
  8. Sara says

    January 29, 2016 at 7:12 am

    Hi there! I’ve literally (more than once) stopped myself in the middle of judging someone or something! I get mad at myself for doing it… I did not know I was so judgemental, suppose I was too busy pointing fingers at others who were judging me! I find myself actively fighting this tendency I really did not think I had!
    Ps, love reading all the comments your readers leave…

    Reply
    • Brittany Hayes says

      February 1, 2016 at 9:32 am

      Awe yes, it’s so hard, I totally agree! XOXO

      Reply
  9. Liza says

    May 12, 2019 at 7:30 am

    This is so beautiful, I to don’t know you personally but you embody so many things I wish to be, you are soo incredibly humble in a world that makes it so hard for one to be that way, and this post reminded me of exactly what I needed to be reminded, that everyone does face battles we know nothing about. It is so easy to judge but I hope to sleep tonight knowing that tomorrow I will be a better person than I am today, God willing.

    Thank you so much, I honestly needed this message.

    Reply

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Ten years ago now I started my blog named after my Ten years ago now I started my blog named after my then five year old little girl ADDISON 💗 And today is her SWEET SIXTEEN! When they say it goes fast, they aren’t kidding even a little bit. I now see her “in passing” as she goes from school to band to hanging out with friends, her boyfriend, quiz bowl, honors clubs and everything in between. I’m so crazy proud of the young woman she’s become. Top ten in her class, living/studying in France for a month this January, and then possibly studying another month living on a college campus this Summer as part of the Georgia Honors Program in French. She’s beautiful, witty, crazy smart, incredibly creative, musically talented and has the biggest heart. Couldn’t be more proud to call her mine. Love you Addison!!! 💗💗💗
In June of 2021, five days before we boarded a fli In June of 2021, five days before we boarded a flight to California to tie the knot, Abigail told us about two historic homes side by side. Both in complete disrepair that were about to hit the market. As any crazy busy, almost newlywed couple with four kids and too many things going on otherwise would do, we said… we’ll take them. BOTH! 🤦🏻‍♀️🤣 Needless to say it’s been a minute but our first renovation I just named (today) WONDERLAND COTTAGE is complete! And it’s adorable 🥰 Excited to share every single space with y’all starting TONIGHT! Here’s the completed reveal of the front living room… P.S. every detail and product link is on the blog tonight! Chairs… @albanyparkhome
*TAP SAVE to save how we secured the garland and a *TAP SAVE to save how we secured the garland and all (detailed below)* Finally got around to decorating one of my very favorite spots in our home… our bedroom fireplace ♥️ Since painting our bedroom dark and adding a little Portugal travels inspired tile to our 1908 coal burning brick fireplace, it’s just felt like the dreamiest little spot! Now for how we secured it all…
1. For the garland, John secured a screw into the mortar on the top ledge of the brick. From there, he added a zip tie around the garland, and then looped the zip tied loop over the screw.
2. For the stockings, with simply hot glued clear command hooks on top of the brick. The hot glue comes off easy peasy!  Follow my shop @addisonswonderland on the @shop.LTK app to shop this post and get my exclusive app-only content!  #liketkit #LTKSeasonal #LTKHoliday #LTKhome
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The final stop in our “make MY house OUR home” The final stop in our “make MY house OUR home” journey we’ve been on these last three years ♥️ And this just might be quickly becoming my very favorite!
This year I went Holiday COLORFUL ♥️ Shocking This year I went Holiday COLORFUL ♥️ Shocking right? 😉Now that I’m almost done decking the halls, I’ve partnered with @amazoninfluencerprogram to GIVE AWAY not one but TWO $500 Amazon Gift Cards to kick off your Holiday shopping! I’ve linked some of my personal favorite (and personal wishlist) Amazon Black Friday Deals on this post over on the LTK app for you to shop!
To Enter:
(1) Simply like and comment on this post… repost on stories for extra entries too!
(2) Follow @amazoninfluencerprogram AND @amazonfashion OR @amazonhome
(3) Share this post with at least one friend (the more the merrier!)
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✨ WINNERS ✨… @withhartz & @g_lori_us
Yep, HER name is ADDISON and MY name is BRITTANY 😉 Thirteen “short” years ago I started “Addison’s Wonderland” in honor of my then three year old Addison out of a “need” and desire to be creative as a new stay at home mom. That three year old will be SIXTEEN next week and I cannot even believe how much everything in our lives has changed. Here’s to the most creative, intelligent, witty and beautiful daughter I could’ve imagined. I love you ADDISON! 💗💗💗
When a tree is so pretty… and you’re so over d When a tree is so pretty… and you’re so over decorating 😉… that a few ribbons is all you need! Another beautiful new tree we got for our home this year from @kingofchristmas ♥️ Spent maybe twenty minutes tying a few velvet ribbons and our mud room is complete! Another room down and quite a few more to go! Sharing Addie’s completed Holiday room TOMORROW… P.S. this exact tree, ribbon and a little “tying tutorial” is all on stories today! #kingofchristmas
Decided to change things up this year! New @kingof Decided to change things up this year! New @kingofchristmas tree and all 💗 And Winnie and I had the BEST TIME bringing it to life! Sharing more details on stories and a link to our new tree in my bio… #kingofchristmas

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