The Truth Behind the Square
There’s this saying. You’ve all heard it a million times before… “Ignorance is Bliss”. Yes, sometimes being ignorant can be rather amazing. Lacking knowledge of the troubles of this world can in some ways be amazing. And honestly even necessary. Ever scroll through Facebook and wish you could unread something? Un-see an image? Anytime there’s anything terrible that involves a child, I can’t shake it. For days. There’s obviously a certain amount necessary to understand the changes the world needs right now. To be that change. Yet when it comes to social media, I’ve found that we lose that ignorance. And I’m pretty sure that it’s making us all feel the same…
Social media. The spring board of my business. The traffic driver for my blog. And really the entire reason I’m on the best career path I’ve been on in my life so far. The wonderful, amazing and oh so terrible social media.
With over 100k fans between Facebook and Instagram as well as nearing 250k blog readers a month, Addison’s Wonderland is considered a “social influencer”. I am a social influencer. That still seems so bizarre to me. So much so that I think that had completely slipped my mind. Forgot that anyone would look at my feed and think that my home was “perfect”. Forgot that anyone would look at my feed and think that “my hair was amazing”. Forgot that anyone would look at my feed and think that “I had it all”.
And then one day it hit me that I was in a rut. Loving blogging, yes. Loving my path, yes. Loving the fact that people were loving my work, absolutely. Yet I couldn’t shake this feeling that the confidence and inspiration that had poured over me for some time now was being drained. The endless ideas, the waterfall of creativity and the desire to re-design everything in sight was being sucked out of me. I couldn’t figure it out. It had started to happen so fast. And as I picked up my phone one day and clicked on Instagram I saw an image. Several images. And as I scrolled through and “stalked” several feeds it hit me. The one thing that I’ve never let myself feel had crept up on me. That one emotion that satan uses to destroy this world has taken hold of me. Envy.
Yet, I didn’t feel envious. I wasn’t depressed or sad or down or jealous or hateful. I am not sure that is even the correct word. It was just enough of this awful emotion to make me feel lost. Like wow, her white and gray and gold and gorgeous home is stunning. It’s so neutral and amazing and everyone loves it. Like wow, her thigh gap is the size of my entire leg and my legs will absolutely never ever in a million years look like that. Like wow, her skin is flawless and glowing and breathtaking. Like wow, her kids look like movie stars and her home is immaculate and I’m sure she’s room mom too. She just has to be.
So I stopped looking at my feed. I continued posting because that’s what I do but I stopped scrolling through my feed for some time. A week, a couple of weeks, I can’t even remember. And then I got this email. I get a lot of emails. A lot of the nicest, most encouraging thoughtful and honestly incredible emails I’ve ever read. I always let Mark read them and every single time I say “it amazes me that people take time from their lives to email a complete stranger the most wonderful things in the world”. Like wow. Just WOW.
Then I got THE email. The most complimentary e-mail I had ever received. I don’t know why it hit me harder than others. But it did. And halfway through that email I thought… I may be that person. I just might me. And I don’t want to be. Not one single bit. There’s a million and a half “influencers” on social media. Most with hundreds of thousands more followers than me, most with houses that cost millions more. Most with gorgeous bodies and amazing skin. But I still might be that person to just one person. And I absolutely refuse to be.
That feed that you scroll through and think her house is perfect. That feed that you scroll through and think she has it all. I don’t want to be that person. I’m not that person. That’s exactly why it never occurred to me. I was ignorant.
When I look at my own feed, I see the truth. I see the toys thrown behind the sofa. I see the pile of stuff in the corner that when cropped just right, completely disappears. I see the mirror turned exactly right so that the light shines perfectly and my skin glows. I see the marker on the sofa, the crunched Cheerios on the floor, the piles and piles of paperwork on the breakfast room table. But in that one image it all looks perfect. And although I saw my own truth, ignorance swept over me at every feed other than my own. As if mine was a “lie” yet theirs was the “truth”.
We all think that 1200 x 1200 square tells it all. Tells a story of perfection. And although we all know the truth, deep down we do, ignorance clouds over us and we think that square tells it all. But I’m here to tell you that it doesn’t. At all.
You see, everyone has a focus in life. One or two or maybe a few. Mine is my family, my girls and my design career. Everything else I just fit it in whenever I can. I once heard that you should focus on what you’re good at and get help with all of the rest. So I do. I have help with my girls while I’m working and help with laundry and my hubby loves to cook. I have never been room mom, never made cupcakes from scratch for their class parties, never ran a marathon. I focus on what I love. My focus as a blogger and designer is that 1200 x 1200 square. It’s creating a work of art in that square that showcases my very best. It’s creating an ethereal feeling that showcases my wonderland. It’s all a story. A story to inspire. A story to encourage. A story to make you smile. To make you dream. To make you want to be creative. To use color. To play with pattern. And to create a home you love.
And I can almost guarantee you that we are all the same in that way. All of us “influencers”. All of us that make a living in this crazy new way. All of us that create and tell our story. We crop, we edit, we accentuate and we post exactly the way we want it to be. To tell our story and show our strengths and hide all of our flaws. So next time you click that social media app or log onto our blogs, just remember that we are focusing on our strengths and not on our flaws.
XOXO, Brittany Hayes
Meagan Marshall says
I am so glad that you wrote this post! I have had the urge to start a blog for a little over a year now, but have been to afraid to actually take the leap. If I’m brutally honest you were one of the reasons that I didn’t. I would read your posts and see your photos and think, “I can’t compete with THIS! This woman has everything. Why would people want to read my blog when they could be looking at her gorgeous home/face/wardrobe/family?” When I read your interview on designmom.com a few days ago I realized that we were actually a lot alike, and now with this post I’m convinced that I CAN do this. Even if it’s not perfect, that’s alright because it is MY dream and what makes ME happy. Thank you so much!
Brittany Hayes says
Oh my goodness NO, NO, NO! You don’t even know how sad that makes me that you thought that! Agh! You go and do what you love. Don’t apologize to anyone. Don’t think twice. And I PROMISE it will all work out. There’s room for every style, every home and every type of blogger. XOXO
Robyn says
Just read this
“The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind the scenes with everbody else’s highlight reel”
Steve Furtic
Vannesa says
Devin Self says
Thank you so much for sharing! I know it’s hard to post the REAL us…we all seem to just post the good and not the bad. I don’t post much on social media (i’m more of a ‘stalker’ haha and just look at others) but if someone looks at my instagram or Facebook..it looks like sunshine and roses and that my family all gets along, etc. etc…but probably before that family picture one of us was getting irritated with another. but why would I post that?! Not many people post the real, the ugly, because we have enough negativity in this world like you said. We need positivity. All of this to say, is that I can probably speak on behalf of all your followers and say that when we look at your posts or pictures..we see positivity, happiness in all the colors of the rooms, inspiration to go out and be a light to the world. You’ve helped me realize my passion and pursue my dream. To take a leap of faith and reach out to you. I may not be experienced as i just graduated..but I’m a sponge that can soak up lots of knowledge and a quick learner. So, THANK YOU for helping me follow my dream and go outside my comfort zone. and realize it is possible. You are an inspiration! 🙂
MissHazel says
I’ve followed your for sometime now and I LOVE your style. I read your first more personal post the other night and was so happy to read it. I think this social media/influencer thing is so amazing bc of the reach it has. But I have to say, as much as I love all your house shots (and I do love your style
Kristin says
Thank you for writing this, I have felt exactly the same way. I’m a 43 year old mother of four beautiful children ages 24,22,21 and 18 months old. Former hairstylist and makeup artist, since I’ve had my darling baby girl things are not the same. Feel like I’ve lost my desire for my passions, hair. Make-up and fashion. All my energy is poured into my Katy. I love your blog, its inspires me so much, but I seriously was down because everything seems so perfect. I just can’t do all that anymore, I’m tired. Lol
It’s so refreshing to read that you share similar experiences, thank you. And by the way, even if your legs aren’t a certain size , you are still beautiful . Inside and out . Take care , and God bless you and your family . 🙂
Shauna says
Girl, you took the words right out of my mouth {or heart, I should say!}. I have been feeling the EXACT same way! I’ll be sharing some “real life” photos on my blog soon that will shock the pants off of everyone! Love your authenticity, your heart, and YOU!
xoxo,
Shauna
Crystal @ ClearCutCrystal.blogspot.com says
It is so easy to see that square on Instagram and think everyone has it all together. I know what I’m cropping out of my pics haha! Thank you so much for that reminder.
Selena Campbell says
I’ve followed you on Instagram ever since I started (middlesisterdesign) about 3 months ago. Love your photos and visit your blog often. I find you “perfect” and to have read this post could not have come at a more perfect time. I desire to have a blog and I’ve felt less adequate than yourself and many others. Thank you for this beautiful reminder and encouragement. Thank you for your transparency and for sharing your heart.
Rachel Bousquet says
Brittany I love this and love you!
Tiffany says
Thank you for sharing. I think it is so important, especially in this social media-driven world to portray our true authentic selves, not just the pretty stuff. Sure, we all want to scroll through a beautiful feed and feel inspired or get a new decorating idea, but it would be nice if all “influencers” shared some of the behind the scenes as well, as you have. Thank you again!
Ann-Marie says
Xoxoxo
Melynda says
Brittany, I have so enjoyed your blog, especially the last two posts. I love hearing the heart behind all of your gorgeous ART! Keep on stepping out in faith, girl! You are inspiring me to do the same. So excited for you!
Amanda Crowe-O'Keefe says
This is the very first time that I am leaving a comment, ever! I love what you wrote! I needed what you wrote. I look over Instagram every night for about an hour before I go to sleep. I think deep down I knew what you are saying was true, and I NEVER got the feeling that anyone was trying to convince me that their lives were perfect, but it is hard not to start to think that or to compare yours to theirs. It was so nice to hear you say that there are toys hidden in the corner, and marker on the couch! Myself and I am guessing many other people needed to be reminded of that or even to be told for the first time. So thank you for that! So much!