Dear Winnie…
Dear Winnie,
Tomorrow you turn four. I mean I honestly can’t even. Tears started streaming down my face after just those first four words. You see baby girl… five years ago today, exactly one year before you were born, mommy had two babies in her belly. Twins. But God took those away from us and replaced them with you. We were devastated when we lost those two babies. Mommy thought she would be sad forever. But God always knows what is best and he knew we just needed you. I did not understand that then but I know that more than anything now. And that is why we always call you our “double the everything”. You have given us double the love, double the fun and definitely double the laughs. You were our sunshine on a rainy day. A rainy year. You are our forever rainbow. Maybe that is why that has always been our song. You made us happy when skies were grey.
I remember the day you were born as if it were yesterday. Mommy had it all planned out but you had other plans. Otherwise known to us now as “just being Winnie”. I should’ve known you would always keep us on our toes when the doctor gave us the scary news that day and said he needed to take you early. Not just early but right then and there. You are always a girl that knows what she wants when she wants it and crosses those arms and stomps those feet until she gets it. And until mommy laughs and gets in trouble with daddy for egging you on. Well that day you must’ve grabbed the umbilical cord and said here I come! And that you did. A perfect baby girl that we named Winter Hailyn.
Big sissy Addie was our first baby and has a special place in our hearts for reasons I will share with her on her birthday. But you are our last and hold a special place in mommy’s heart for so many other special reasons. First, you are my boo. I don’t even know what that means but you just are. You are the mommy’s girl I worried I would never have. You make me laugh until I cry and you make me cry until I laugh. Lately I have been crying inside at the thought that one day soon I will not be able to pick you up anymore. My heart cannot even process that thought. And that is why when you say “hold me forever”, I say “I am never ever putting you down”. I love the way you say “pillow (pe-doe), finger (feener) and Chickfila (Chickalay). I love the way you play so hard, love so hard and fight for what you want. I love the way you wake up in the mornings, turn on your light, sit at the end of the bed and yell “mommy I waked up!” I love the way you hold my face really tight with your tiny little hands to tell me what you want. I love the way you suck your thumb and rub your belly. I am not sure my heart will ever be able to make you stop. I love the way you “read” about God in your little Bible and say your prayers so sweet every night. Oh and I think He will forgive you for putting Him in time out last night. Only Winnie puts God in time out. And most of all I love that you are mine. That God trusted me with this precious, adorable, feisty and hilarious little human that has made our family complete.
My hope for you is that you keep your little fire forever. Always remember the days that you grab something out of Addie’s hands and run for your life. Grab hold of your dreams, fight for what you want and never give up. Never let anyone tell you what you are or what you aren’t because you are everything to me. You are smart and witty, precious and beautiful, kind and honest, sassy and sweet. Take care of your body and your mind and your heart because those are the only things in your life that YOU can control. Love God the way you do now forever. Lean on Him when things get hard because you were our gift from Him when our lives got difficult. “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Philippians 4:13. Happy Birthday Winter Hailyn! We love you!
XOXO, Brittany Hayes
Janet Bergeson says
Oh how sweet, brought tears to my eyes. I too have one who was just like you describe, but she is now 23, but I can remember those days like they were yesterday. We will always have those precious memories so for now keep on making them and hold her tight every chance you get, it does go by way too quickly. Thanks for sharing.
Brittany Hayes says
Awe thank you Janet! Gosh I know 23 will be here before I know it so I am truly trying to soak up every second. I love being able to record my memories on my blog too to keep forever. Thank you so much for reading! XOXO
Aleesha Lowe says
Thank you so much fo sharing about the loss of your littles. I miscarried about a month ago, and it is comforting to know that there are others that have faced the same heartbreaking situation. I want to wish a happy birthday to your sweet Winnie!!! I love following your blog and Instagram posts! I find them extremely encouraging and heartwarming!
Brittany Hayes says
Oh gosh thank you! You are making me cry! Again! I am so so sorry for your loss. There are no words for how difficult it is. I was 11 weeks with twins and it was absolutely devastating for us. God truly does have a plan and the best is yet to come! Prayers for you and your family! XOXO
Katherine B says
Awwww… this one made me cry. I could feel your love for that precious little girl in every word! And reading that she was your little blessing baby after heartache gave me hope that someday my dream of having my own little one might indeed come true.
Lori says
Thanks for sharing. Brought tears to my eyes. After my son was born, we had two losses exactly a year apart. We where then blessed with our little M. She turns 2 in October. I call her my angel baby. Sent to us in a dark time. I can’t imagine life without her. Your words echo my heart as well.
Heather says
Love you, love your blog, daily reader, first time commenter. This is my favorite post you’ve ever written. Straight from the heart and it shows.
Kristy Sands says
Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday!!
Happy Birthday sweet Winnie
Brittany Hayes says
Awe thank you!!! XOXO
Pamela says
How beautiful and blessed you are to have such a lovely relationship with your daughter. I was pregnant (my first) and lost him at during my second trimester. I cried and felt as if my world collapsed. Why? Like you, I was blessed six months later as I became pregnant with and safely delivered a beautiful boy. The love was immediate and infinite. My grandmother told me when God closes a door he opens a window. My children are now 25 and 23 and I’m looking to the future and grandkids. Thank you for sharing your lovely letter and wishing you blessings from a mom who has two beautiful children and two angels in heaven.
Brittany Hayes says
Awe gosh thank you so much! Yes, I adore my girls and our sweet relationship. I cannot even imagine how difficult that would be during the second trimester. So glad though that you were blessed with two children! Thank you so very much! I truly appreciate your sweet comment. XOXO
Haneen Matt says
This is so special, Brittany!❤️ I’ve miscarried too:( Love you, girl!
Brittany Hayes says
Awe you are such a sweetheart Haneen. Love you sweet friend! XOXO
Darcy Potter says
Love this! Big hugs and luvs and give an extra special birthday wish to Miss Winnie on this glorious day 🙂
Brittany Hayes says
Thank you Darcy! You are always so wonderfully sweet. I appreciate you so very much! XOXO
Andrea says
This is so sweet! Totally made me cry!
Brittany Hayes says
Awe thank you! XOXO
Marcie B. says
She reminds me so much of my baby, Camden, who is now 7. There is something special about all of our children…but our last babies…