I saw a video bopping around Facebook last week. It was about a man perusing around town getting frustrated at just about everyone and everything. From the boy skating by as he was trying to pull out of the driveway to the slow service at a local coffee bar. And then a stranger hands him a pair of glasses. Those glasses told a story. Everyone’s individual story. But not just their story. Their difficulties. Their hard times. Their weaknesses. And it reminded me of a time in my own life. A really really hard time. And a really long lasting hard time.
I remember being at Addie’s school at about 10% of my true self. Probably quiet, probably half mentally present and probably looking a bit off. But with a smile and a wave and an attempt at pretending like life was perfect. But it wasn’t. And I remember thinking in those moments that no one had a clue. Not a clue to the craziness going on in my marriage and in my life. They possibly judged me for looking a mess. They probably judged me for remembering about half of their names and half of their faces. They probably judged me for forgetting supplies and parties and meetings. And they probably judged me for not seeming quite right. But heck I’d probably do the same. I know I do the same. Without even realizing I do. Yet I try. Every single day I try my hardest to remember to extend grace.
Yet in those moments. Those months. That year, the reality was that I wasn’t trying to look a mess. I wasn’t trying to forget. I wasn’t trying to be a bad mom. I was just trying to make it through. Trying to hope and think and pray that it would just go away. I literally just tried to survive. Just make it from sun up to sun down. That was my only goal every single day. I remember those days like they were yesterday. And that’s when I began to truly realize there’s so much more to each and every one of us than what is seen and what is said. So much room for grace.
I’ve often thought that that understanding or those glasses alone would make this world a better place. Because we often judge others based solely on what we can see. As if one’s face and words alone tell their story. Their entire truth. We even go as far as to compare our truth to another’s “perfection” based solely on what we can see. We let insecurities and even depression take hold of us because we become envious and hateful based solely on what we can see. Yet if we sought to see through what was visible. Tried to understand that we all try and put on a face. Some better than others but we all try. I have to say that that year I mastered that face. Maybe it’s a blessing or maybe it’s a curse. But I did. And although things are better. Right now. I think. I always TRY to realize that there’s so much more behind “that face”. Struggles and hurt, difficulties and trials, imperfections and insecurities. Just think how it could be. We would all be more patient. Be more kind. Be more understanding. And less judgemental. We’d all continuously seek to extend grace.
XOXO, Brittany Hayes
Beautiful message and very well said Brittany! I think that as we get to really know people beyond “that face” we are reminded that we aren’t the only ones with challenges and it pushes us to a greater understanding of grace and God’s love for each of us individually. I honestly, truly, deep down in my soul look forward to your posts everyday. Whether it’s design related or life related, you never disappoint 🙂 Thanks for being a very unique and untainted force :). I don’t know your personally but I love you stranger ;).
Beautiful post! I am officially crying and I am at work! Seriously you are so right, I too need to remind myself of having grace with those we meet daily. It feels good to know that we are all thinking the same thing and we are not alone as we may think we are. I love your blog so much. It and you inspire me so much. You are so genuine and it really comes through on your blog! xoxo
This is the first time I’ve ever checked out your blog. I have your IG feed and enjoy it. I saw you as having the perfect life: a good-looking husband, beautiful daughters, a lovely home, another home on the way, clothes out the wazoo. It touches my heart that you are real and have had the same struggles most of us have experienced. God gives us so much grace and He calls us to extend it to others. God bless you for this post. You are a God’s girl, and I will be following you on your journey.
Gosh what a great read! My community group talked about grace last night and the importance of not only extending grace, but the gift of receiving it. I really struggle with this as I constantly want to look like I have it all together. But how can we show the great work God is doing in our lives if we aren’t transparent about our sin and struggles? Sanctification is a messy blessing that needs to be shared in community. Thanks for sharing your heart with us Brittany!
You are amazing Brittany!!! I love reading your story:)
I’ve seen that same video. What youve just blogged has really hit me deep. I remember being a teacher 5 years ago and always trying my best to be aware of the battles my students might be dealing with & tried to give grace. As I started a family and decided to stay home to be a full time mom I started to lose that grace. Although I feel completely blessed that I get to stay home with my little ones, there was still something missing. there was a lot going on in my family, lots of firsts, 3 kids, new state etc & it was just simply HARD. I often felt judged & in turn I started judging myself with other people’s highlights. As crazy as this may sound a turning point for me was when I went on a field trip with my daughter in PreK. As I sat in the parking lot in my SUV, in my tennis shoes, yoga pants, makeup less and my ergo baby strapped on to me to carry my other baby, I turned to see the most gorgeous mom stepping out of her cute little car to go on the same field trip. Like a commercial a long leg in skinny jeans and a leopard print stiletto hit the pavement and out emerged a mom with long blonde hair and perfect makeup with the rising sun shining on her perfectly like a goddess. I swear it felt like the perfect moment for the song “pour some sugar on me” lol! I turned and pulled my visor mirror down hoping something miraculous would of taken place as I glanced at myself, nope same makeup less face and messy bun! From that day on I decided to take care of myself more and eating more nutritious food, excersing when I could, doing devotionals and loving more. Sometimes as moms & wives we end up putting ourselves on the back burner and take care of everyone else first and sometimes at the end of the day there just isn’t enough to get us excited on working on ourselves. Yes there are sometimes when that grace gets lost in the chaotic days of motherhood but I always try to pull down that visor every now and then and look at myself in that little mirror and remember.
Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.
Be Kind. Always… I love the Words
Thanks
Hi there! I’ve literally (more than once) stopped myself in the middle of judging someone or something! I get mad at myself for doing it… I did not know I was so judgemental, suppose I was too busy pointing fingers at others who were judging me! I find myself actively fighting this tendency I really did not think I had!
Ps, love reading all the comments your readers leave…
Awe yes, it’s so hard, I totally agree! XOXO
This is so beautiful, I to don’t know you personally but you embody so many things I wish to be, you are soo incredibly humble in a world that makes it so hard for one to be that way, and this post reminded me of exactly what I needed to be reminded, that everyone does face battles we know nothing about. It is so easy to judge but I hope to sleep tonight knowing that tomorrow I will be a better person than I am today, God willing.
Thank you so much, I honestly needed this message.