I Am Done
For more on Winter’s Room… “Winnie’s Little Girl Room Design Reveal”
This year I will turn 35 and lately I’ve been having these moments. These “holy cow where did my 20’s go???” and “holy crap I am officially mid-30’s approaching my 40’s” moments. I am not sure why it has hit so hard lately but I finally told my hubby, I think it is because “I am done”…
Do you remember, being 13, 14, 15 and looking so forward to turning 16, 21, 25. Seems like yesterday when every age brought something new and amazing. If you were 12 and 8 months you were basically 13 so you just said you were 13. Life seemed like it would be so magical at that certain age. It would be so liberating to turn 16, get a driver’s license and be able to go anywhere. Do anything. Such an exciting time. An exciting day. Although never much of a “drinker”, turning 21 was still such a memorable birthday. Our turning 21 was a bit different than most. We were married at 20 and even purchased our first home at 20. I still remember sitting at the closing table and everyone joked that we were purchasing a home but still couldn’t buy a can of beer or a bottle of wine. I remember when we first started our Kitchen and Bath company and everyone called us babies. Being taken seriously was so difficult those first few years. I remember counting down to 25 because 25 years old just seemed so “old”, so “adult”. Maybe everyone would finally believe in us. Finally think that we were the real deal.
Looking back I feel as though I rushed it all. Not that life could go any faster than it already does but I just wanted tomorrow to come for so many reasons. To be old enough to get married. To be old enough to be taken seriously. To be finished with college and “move on” with my life. I wished it by so fast because that next age or next stage was going to be IT. I would finally be grown up.
Well now, I am closing in on 35 and I am finally grown up. And in most ways… I Am Done. I am done with all of those new and exciting stages. Those new and exciting ages. And I am like dang, can I have all of that back? Don’t get me wrong, I am so happy with where I am now. I love my husband. I adore my girls. I finally feel like I am expressing my creativity and passion the way I always dreamed of. But I am done.
I am done going to grade school. To homecoming. To prom. I am done turning those fun ages. I have my driver’s license. I can buy a bottle of wine. I am done going to college and having very little responsibility (as fleeting a time as that was for us). I graduated college. I have my degree. I am done getting engaged and planning a wedding. Wedding showers and engagement parties are now all almost 15 years ago. I am done being pregnant and welcoming new little bundles of joy. Those showers and moments are now over three years ago. All of that is now done. Gosh, she is having a mid-life crisis you are probably thinking!
I think I just have finally realized that now that I am done, I want to enjoy it all. I want to soak up every moment. I want to embrace incomplete house projects because that means I have more fun things ahead. I want to let my kids be loud and wild because as soon as I get quiet time to myself I always think, now THAT age WILL be hard. When they are gone and my house is quiet, I already know I will want these moments back. I didn’t know that then but I do now. I never thought I would want back the time I was miserably pregnant or rushing around campus finding my classes. Those nights we stayed up so late to finish our design boards seemed so miserable at the time. But I already want it back. I want to let the house be a little messy because that means more time with my girls. I want to let Winter pitch a fit and Addison make a huge mess creating things in my office because life doesn’t have to be perfect. When it’s “perfect and stress-free” in a rare moment, I am bored.
So three weeks into 2016, one of my biggest New Year’s resolutions is that I want to focus on enjoying the journey. From my children growing up to home renovations. I want to embrace the chaos. I want to take my time and enjoy the steps along the way. Because to be completely honest, I’ve finally figure out that the finish line is rather boring. It’s embracing the chaos that I truly love the most.
For more on our hallway… “The Most Whimsical Hallway of All”
XOXO, Brittany Hayes
Melanie says
All those “I’s” you just wrote will become “they’s”, “she”, “them’s”. Life switches from “I” when your kids reach a certain age and it will become about them. What they are doing, where they need to be, what they need to get for class, dance, softball, school. It ramps up quickly. You’re not there yet but you will be soon! You’re certainly not done! You haven’t really gotten started yet with raising those girls and navigating all that will come with that! Embrace the calm moments. The moments of still. They are fleeting and 40 ain’t so bad.
Brittany Hayes says
So wonderful to hear! Thank you! I know it’s true but sometimes it just seems like it’s all passed me by. Thanks so much for sharing! xoxo
Katherine B says
I am 38 and have been going through some of the same thought processes. I have had moments of panic even realizing how much of life has passed by already. Then there is figuring out what I want out of the rest of my life… not just settling for what happens, but truly living and loving life. I love the points you made in your blog and your new approach. It gives me much food for thought.
Brittany Hayes says
Thank you so so much! Yes, that’s exactly how I am. Like dang, how have so many years passed by?!? And now they go by faster and faster! Ugh. Thanks so much for reading!
Emily, Our house now a home says
This is exactly how I have felt! I just turned 30 and had these same thoughts. I got married at 21, baby at 22, 24 and 25. Purchased our first home at 23. We have always been considered the “babies” and I was so focused on trying to be and be seen “adult” enough. I never took the time and enjoyed the fact that I did not know it all, or have it together. I was allowed to not fit in with the families in our neighborhood who had kids my age. Now that I am 30 I realized how young I was for all of that. I should have embraced it and enjoyed it more. With the start of a new decade for me I feel so settled, I am where I going where I want to go!
Brittany Hayes says
Yes, amen! At least we realize it now and can slow down and enjoy. That’s how I’m trying to see it all. Being an adult sure isn’t all it’s cracked up to be though! Lol!
Christine says
Wow this post hit me….I’m 28, soon to be 29 and it’s freaking me out. Most people joke around and say oh you’re still young but the number scares me. My hubby and I built our second house we just moved into this past November and no kiddos yet. So while you feel done, I still have some of those exciting things to look forward to but I can totally relate to what you’re saying. All of a sudden I have no idea how I’m almost 29 and wondering where the time went. I feel like I missed something. I really loved this post as it makes me realize it’s not only me who has these moments and like so many comments above me, there is so much more to come. There is always something but I’m terrified I’m doing it all wrong, I should have a baby already….my wedding is over and I loved every bit but it’s over and done with, no more fun ages in my eyes, I don’t want to be 30, it makes my stomach turn thinking about it which probably makes some people crazy but it’s the truth…the numbers scare me, everyone getting older…I feel like I’m rambling now but just wanted to say this post touched me. I love reading and following along and hope you continue to enjoy your moments, they will come!
Brittany Hayes says
Awe love hearing your story! Thanks for sharing! No, nows the time to not rush it and enjoy it all! I have five years on you so you are good to go! Lol! I sometimes wish I could start over with my babies and enjoy it more. Best of luck to you!! XOXO
Erin Jordan says
I will be 42 in two months and I’ve been feeling very similarly. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings. It’s nice to know that there are others going through the same realizations.
Brittany Hayes says
So great for me to hear too! I feel like I’m going crazy over here! Lol!
karin says
My life story follows the same age markers as yours but I am closing in on 50 even sooner than you will hit 40! I want to assure all of you that your 40’s will be equally good if not better than your 20’s and 30’s.3 of my 4 kids are out of the house now (I have a “straggler” who’s 11) and it’s just too quiet most of the time. No need to have a crisis, and frankly, you’d have to be my age to actually be having a mid-life crisis given how long people live these days! Nonetheless, I applaud you for knowing to slow down and enjoy the ride. Because it sure does go way too fast!
Brittany Hayes says
Awe thank you! So good to hear! I feel like every age gets better and better so I totally believe you! Enjoy your straggler ;)!
Holly Music says
I am so right there with you sister! 36 has been eye opening because I am closer to 40 than 30! Where has my last ten years gone! Thanks for singing my song!!!
Devin Self says
This is definitely something I needed to hear. Thank you! I just graduated college and I’m in the stage you described as wanting to move on. I just want to get a job and get my life/future/career going. But, you’re completely right…one day I’m going to wish I didn’t rush this time away. It’s just a hard transition from college to real world..trying to find a real job, someone who will hire me, figuring out how to pursue my dreams, and the list goes on hahah!
Brittany Hayes says
Oh my gosh YES!!! I promise you one day you’ll look back and love to be your age and where you are now. Work hard and be focused but also sit back and enjoy it. It’ll all happen in due time. XOXO
Jen Smith says
This gives me a lump in my throat because I’m also turning 35 this year and have two precious little girls. I feel like I’ve reached the point where I’ve stopped wishing for what’s ahead and instead yearn for what’s behind. But I can’t do that because then I’ll miss what’s in the present! Thanks for the reminder to enjoy the chaos and the mess because when my kids are grown, the last thing I will say is “thank goodness my house was clean that one day in 2016!” Great reminder to keep things in perspective.
Brittany Hayes says
Awe thank you! Yes, so easy to look back and have regrets but we can only move forward and live in the moment. XOXO
Sara says
I remember being 33 and having this almost exact crises! I wasn’t 30 but I wasn’t 35, my life wasn’t perfect, my kids were kids and I just wanted to be taken seriously (still waiting, but that’s kind of another story!!!) and get to the finish line! Guess what? life played itself out until I finally realized I could either embrace it or be miserable, I chose the first one and I still choose it every single day and I have you (more precisely your blog) amongst others to help me, even though you don’t know it I get a lot of support from you all every single day! So thank you and well done in choosing the journey rather than the finish line prize, the journey is the prize, you can bet on it! A bientôt
Brittany Hayes says
Yes absolutely! I couldn’t agree more! It’s a choice every single day. XOXO
Erin says
I am crying after reading this! I am a wife and mom of three in my late 20’s and feel all those “rushed” feelings you expressed! This really hit home for me. It can be so hard to stop and appreciate the moment in the midst of chaotic days/weeks/months. Definitely going to try and stop wishing for more of the future and focus on the NOW. Thank you for sharing! You have a beautiful family 🙂